Ok, well I guess I better start from the beginning. I met this girl online in August of 2006 and we were just talking to blow off our free-time after work I school I whatever. I live in Oklahoma, and she lives in Ohio. Pretty long-distance if you ask me. And before I go on, I do know that 95% of long-distance relationships never work out. I was just hoping to be part of the 5% that does… When I first met her, I fell in lust with her body, but after talking to her for several months on the phone, I fell in love with her personality. So over the past year and a half, we would talk for hours on end every single day. Even a year later, I was still just as interested in her as I was the first time I met her. We’ve had our fair share of arguments, everybody does though, you know? But we’d get over it the very next day.

I literally would have done anything for her. She was having a tough time with her family, and all I ever wanted for her was to be happy. I tried to help her by talking to her and suggesting some things she could do to get through the situations she got in. We’d hook up and break up off and on. I loved her so much. Every day, I would get out of class early, finish up at work really fast, just so I could hear her voice before I went to bed. She would always tell me how much “she loves me no matter what, and she’ll never leave me. I’m the only one she ever wants to be with for the rest of her life.” I invested so much time and heart in the relationship that it’s tearing me apart inside now.

A couple of weeks ago, her mom went to spend some time with her boyfriend for several days in a row, so Taylor ended up having to stay with some of her friends for about 5 days in a row. During that time, she started avoiding my phone calls, wouldn’t reply to any text, and wouldn’t call me back or anything. I got a little paranoid, so I mapquested her work and called her there. [Probably not the best thing to do, but I HAD to know what was going on.] That night, she sent me a text saying “I need to take a break to sort things out in my life. It has nothing to do with you, only me… I’m sorry baby. I love you”. Well, knowing me, I didn’t exactly take that the way she expected. I started getting really depressed, angry, and passive at the same time. I started listening to different music, I can’t watch TV anymore because of all the “Love” on the movies / TV shows.

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve directed all my efforts to getting her back. She kept saying “I can’t do it right now. I need to be alone for a while.. I’m not leaving you for good. Just for a while. Until we meet in person.” Well, I was slowly getting comfortable with that, but at the same time falling apart inside. I HAD to have her back. I couldn’t even bare to talk to her hardly because of the hurt. And on Thanksgiving Day, of all things, she sends me a text saying the one thing I NEVER wanted to hear… She found somebody else. This is the exact words she said: “It makes it hard cause we live so far apart. There’s someone here. . . Not like you though. No ones like you. But still. . . Someone here is a lot more realistic than someone a thousand miles away.” and I replied saying something similar to: “so you have been lying to me… with true love, distance shouldn’t matter. If you truly love me the way you say you do, then you’d stay with me…”. She responds: “Not quite. Someone is interested and I am too. But I don’t want you to think they’re the reason I wanted to break up. I wanted to before I met them.”

She broke up with me to “sort things out in her life and be alone until we meet in person”, but 2 days later, she finds somebody else and starts dating them. She laid this all out on me right after having a good Thanksgiving dinner with my family. I put her on the spot pretty good later that night. I feel bad about it. I’ve gotten so attached to her that I can’t avoid talking to her, but the hurt is so much that I can’t continue talking to her. I still love her, but I loathe her at the same time.

I put her on the spot so good that I don’t think she’ll be talking to me for a very long time. I sent her a text saying “So you want to break up with me and date some person you ‘met a few days ago’. You fell for the first person to come your way. If you really did love me, you would stay with me no matter how far apart we live. But you won’t. You’re not loyal. You’re not a good girlfriend. You’re a shitty person. You don’t love me. You don’t care how I feel or what I want. You don’t care that I wanted a good life for you. You wasted almost 2 years of my life. I tried to help you and how do I get repaid? By getting dumped for some random person you just met. Damn I feel good about myself… NOT! You had so many chances to have me back but you spit it back in my face. BUGGING BUG! Who the bug are you now?”

You’ll have to excuse the language, I was very angry last night. I don’t really have much else to say. As today just started and I’m still having the urge to just scream and cry at the same time. But I’m having trouble doing either. I’ve tried so hard over the past 3 years to control my anger, that I’ve become extremely docile and I can’t see myself doing either of those.

Thank you.

Michael Murphy